thirty and single.

 I never thought that I would be thirty and single. I guess I always saw myself being married and having a family by the age of thirty. I imaged a beautiful house with dutch doors, a big back yard for the kids to play in, and a gorgeous farmhouse sink in the kitchen. It was hard for me when I turned thirty this year and realized that all those dreams and plans I had envisioned for myself were not going to happen. That I was going to enter my thirties a single lady.
It has been a long and difficult journey. One I was not wanting to ever have to venture on, but one that I find myself taking. I struggled with discontentment. There were times that I cried out to the Lord because I thought that there was a small chance that He forgot about me. That He missed the memo that I was suppose to be thirty, married, and have two kids (twins if possible). However, it was through that struggle of discontentment that the Lord broke me down, and revealed to me that He hasn’t forgotten about me (not in the slightest). He taught me what true reliance and faith looks like.
It was in those moments of discontentment and crying out to the Lord that I started to pray. While my prayers started out being very selfish based, the Lord was able to change my heart and my focus in those moments together. My focus stopped being so much on what I wanted for my life and more on what the Lord wanted for my life.  It was in growing closer to Him that I realized my focus on being married had been ALL wrong. For the longest time it was about the status/title, or making sure I didn’t turn into a cat lady, or that all my college friends were married and starting families. I even worried what my married friends were saying about me and my singleness (foolish, I know). I was focusing on a mans finances, his status, his job, and the way he looked. All things that can be great qualities, but are not the qualities that TRULY matter. God revealed to me that the most important thing to look for wasn’t those things I just listed, but his relationship with our Heavenly Father. While the journey of letting go of my own expectations was no easy journey- it was crucial. I stopped focusing on how much money he made, his status, how big his muscles are, or his job position. All those things are really great and nice, but if he doesn’t have a personal and real relationship with Christ, he honestly has nothing to offer me. I know that sounds pretty harsh, but its the truth. (insert shrug emoji).
While I have so many GREAT and WONDERFUL friends who try to set me up on blind dates. I am not one to date just to date (not my style),  and don’t get me wrong, I freakin love my friends! They seriously have the best intentions and just wanted me to be happy. I had to step back and really examine myself though. I realized that even though I thought I was ready for a relationship, and even though my friends thought I was ready for a relationship- I honestly wasn’t. I needed to grow; I needed to grow in my relationship with the Lord and also in knowing who I am in Christ. So I decided to take a year off from dating! In that time I really focused on my walk with the Lord, who He says I am, and how valuable I am in His eyes. I think their comes a time in our lives when we have to just sit down and set standards! We begin to think about marriage and spending the rest of our lives with a significant other, we stop wanting to get attention from random men, and we want to date with intentions of getting married // someone who will run alongside you, raise a family with you, and be your biggest fan.
Matthew 7 talks about how a tree is known by their fruits. It is hard enough walking the straight and narrow alone. I need a man of God who removes himself from tempting situations, who reads the Bible with me and discusses it in detail with me, who prays with me and seeks Christ daily, and a man who loves Him more than he loves me. A man who loves me like Christ loves the church.
My close friends would tell you that I am picky when it comes to relationships recently and I will have to say…I agree with them. I do have high standards (they are also very realistic standards). The man God has picked out just for me will measure up and I refuse to settle for anything less than His best.
John 15: 5-8 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.” 

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