Sadly, I was one of those people who scrolls through Instagram photos of coffee shop hangouts, vacations, and dinner parties wondering what it will take in order to have those types of friendships. I wanted my #squad to be the ones who go on fun adventures together to different states, different countries, try new and exciting things together. They just always seemed so ‘cool’, so elaborate…..and so not me! There was a part of me, when I saw those photos, that felt like maybe I missed the boat on deep friendships. It was definitely my own fault I felt that way, I was an expert at keeping people at arms length. I honestly should have won an award or something for it. Anyway, there was always a part of me that longed for deeper friendships (like the ones I watched in movies, or stalked on Facebook, or saw on Instagram)
Over the last year I have been working on being more intentional in my friendships; something I wanted desperately to do, but was afraid to do for sooooooo long. I can get so comfortable binge watching Netflix or Hallmark, going weeks without reaching out to my long-distance friends (using the excuse I am too busy), hibernating in the house, or drowning myself in work.
But, I realized that those deep, life-giving friendships are so empowering. It is so important to have people there beside us spurring us forward and helping us along the way. One of the most comforting feelings is when you have genuine friendships where you know you can be yourself (you can even ugly cry and they don’t run away). I honestly only have a handful of friendships like this, but I wouldn’t change those for anything. Being able to open up, be vulnerable, and spending true quality time together helps bring us closer to the kind of friendship our heart craves. I am so grateful for those friends who continue to stretch me, who I spend quality time with, and who are willing to work through the hardships of friendships instead of giving up. I love my best friendships because we get into each others lives and onto each others teams. And I have learned that kind of friendship and connection will change everything.
Lets be honest…we all want those friendships that give us the audacity to believe we really can do what we were created to do, and that we really are good enough. Its those friendships that push us to be the best versions of ourselves; the version the world so desperately needs. We want, nix that, we need friendships that make us feel good about ourselves, ones that are intentional, ones where we can be ourselves and they celebrate you for it.
It does break my heart to see how we sometimes treat friendships now a days. We talk to each other, but we don’t REALLY talk to each other. We never say the things that we need to say, the thing that we need someone to know about us, or the thing we need help with. Too often we are afraid of rejection and over time we have been taught that it is not safe to open up like that to others. So, we keep ourselves in our own little bubble- we keep our emotions locked up, and we put our best foot forward.
Proverbs 27:17 “as iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend”. I love that verse and it defines the best friendships I have in my life.
Friendship isn’t easy and it takes work. It truly does break my heart how we as women sometimes treat each other. It’s not a occasional problem either, it’s a widespread issue. Women don’t know how to be friends with each other. I do hope we can start moving in the direction of being more intentional and real in our friendships. Move towards best friendship and away from keeping people at arms length. Because we need these kinds of friends in our lives.
Best friends change everything.